Self whoring, not gaying or racisting, obviously!!

Still haven't got time to write a blog but I'll do my bestest for now, pub is going well, here is a quick rundown of what happens when:- Tuesday quiz, Thursday themed quiz, starting with sport this week followed by movies and music quizzes, Friday is Karaoke night and live music every Saturday with great local bands....OK, that's enough self whoring for now!!

Saw an interview on TV the other day with Glen Johnson and had to laugh at how many times the man says "obviously!!" So here it is, He says obviously 10 times in 2 mins and 15 seconds giving him a obviously per minute (OPM) ratio of 4.14....obviously!!

Staying with footy, why is it if a player has a terrible game that they are said to be "unfortunate!!" Lukas Fabianski played in goal for Arsenal on Wednesday night, scored an own goal and then picked a back pass from Sol Campbell for Porto to score their second goal....the commentator's words later on were "...and Porto still hold this narrow lead thanks in part to the UNFORTUNATE Fabianski" I'm fairly sure what he should have said was "...and Porto still hold this narrow lead thanks in part to the COMPLETELY FUCKING USELESS BAG OF BABOONS SPUNK Fabianski"

Still sort of with football, The Cole's (Cheryl and Cashley) have finally split, a friend of mine uttered his thoughts on the subject which I will repeat but remember these are not my thoughts, He said "Cheryl is a racist cos of beating up a black girl in a nightclub toilet calling her a chickaboo and Ashley likes mobile phones up his bum making him a bummer, it was the perfect marriage of convenience, She marries a black man proving she isn't racist and he marries a woman proving he isn't gay!!"

It would be impossible to write things without mentioning the pub as it is where I spend 30 hours a day! So the other day a lovely old couple popped in lunchtime and bought a drink, took a seat by the fire and chatted about stuff, I picked up an empty nearby when the nice old lady asked me if I was the new Landlord and what my name is, I replied yes I am and my name is Marcus, she told me her favourite ever poet was called Marcus....something (she never remembered his surname) and began to deliver what turned out to be a SEVEN FUCKING MINUTE rendition of one of his poems!! I won't be rude as she was a paying customer but seriously........what the fuck!?!

I was always told as a child that the police were the people who you should trust and respect, also that if in trouble always ask a policeman....this leads me to a story that happened about a week ago (for security reasons I cannot recant the whole thing but here it is in a nutshell) I may or may not have had trouble possibly getting into somewhere that may or may not be somewhere I may or may not have needed or wanted to possibly go, so I asked a policeman who may or may not have been nearby and he possibly made it easier to get into somewhere that I may or may not have needed to get in to........ is that coy enough!?!

My fianceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee told me what she saw last Saturday night whilst walking to The Godfather for chips and cheese (after working at the pub, not a night out) Now some stories just don't need a punchline or something added to make it brilliant....this is such a story. She was about halfway there when she saw on the floor a large pile of what can only be described as watery vom, about 10 paces later she saw a flowery birthday card and within another 10 paces was the finale....a smashed Lambrini bottle!!! Puke, girly birthday card, Lambrini bottle!! Imagine what this lovely lady looked ...yep....I thought the same....!!

As Mr Farelli (No, you're welcome) will have mentioned in his blog, we had a little game of poker on Monday which he won, I was out 2nd of 7 so not very good, however no story of a bad beat, no middle pin straight on the river or hit a 2 on the turn while holding a pair of ducks, I had Ace/10 suited, Mike went all-in, I called, he had Ace/Queen suited and won....in the words of Dr Claw.."I'll get you next time, Gadget!".......without the Gadget!!

Peace,

Marcus

P.S. Turns out I did have quite a lot to write about and I never mention the fact that Gavin from Autoglass is in fact....a cunt!!

Landlord = Me!!

As if I have time to write a fucking blog!! Ok pub is now open and taking up every minute of my life (I knew it would but still......) opening night was too amazing to explain properly as you really had to be there to see it but for those who couldn't or wouldn't.....Box of Frogs rocked, as did the building to its foundations all night long (that sums it up nicely!!)

I would like to tell you a whole bunch of stuff but I have hardly had time to eat let alone experience things worth writing about so i'm afraid this will be the shortest blog i've done, but for regulars here is a little housekeeping....

Gavin from Autoglass = Cuntage.

Podcast Four = Awesome.

LFC losing to Arsenal = Wank.

Lucas = Shit as always.

Unparallelled chicken generosity = Vegetarian tramp.

Owning a pub = Very fucking tiring.

Owning a pub = Very fucking cool.

Owning a pub = Skill!!!

Two thirds of a bottle of Irish whiskey in 2 hours = Floor (you know who you are!!)

Well that is all I can muster this time, hope to be more substantive soon.

Peace.

Marcus.

P.S. Did I say how cool owning a pub is?

Picky tramps, repetitive c units and finally....!!

So finally it appears the day of reckoning is upon me as I should be signing the lease on the pub tomorrow, very excited about it and with a bit of luck we will be opening on Saturday 13th February with a huge bang. The Box of Frogs are coming to play live and it will be an absolutely amazing night so get your bad selves there!!

I went to KFC the other night and passed a homeless man outside who coined the inevitable line..."got any spare change?" I didn't at the time so continued into KFC and got my food, as i was ordering I thought I would be extra nice and buy some food for the fella outside. I bought a BBQ roller thingy (basically a small twister with BBQ sauce) and with a sense of pride stepped outside to give the man his treat. I handed him the little bag and he proceeded to thank me but also informed me.......He is a fucking vegetarian.......!!

I have been learning more about how to set up my blog page so now you will see at the top links to The Cross Keys Twitter and Facebook pages and have now added my Xbox live gamercard to the sidebar, more random shit will appear soon as I find stuff to put on!

As I'm writing this, motherfucking Gavin from motherfucking Autoglass has just motherfucking appeared on my motherfucking TV.......cunt!!

The mighty LFC beat Everton 1-0 after being reduced to 10 men with only 35 mins gone in the game, Everton eventually had someone sent off despite playing all 90 minutes with the referee on their team (cynical and Kev would strongly disagree but fuck it...) Now to beat Arsenal on Weds night and forget 4th place we could easily make 3rd!!

Staying with football (or at least players) I want to comment on John Terry and his indiscretions, I have heard arguments saying whatever he has done shouldn't affect being captain, also the flip side where people think he should be banned. I personally feel as captain he has a larger responsibility than just on the field and I think Capello made the right choice to take the captaincy off Terry....but then he gave to an injury prone drug cheat!! I don't care how biased it is, Gerrard is the logical and natural choice, however this could all have been a moot point if Terry could have kept it in his pants!!

What the fuck........the Autoglass advert has just been on again.....cunts!!!

I've just realised that tonight is my last night of being unemployed....shit!!

Peace,

Marcus.

P.S. Remember Sat 13th February opening night at The Keys!!

Doppelbollocks twittering birdy, Dara?

Hmmm... so it turns out that I don't have as much to say as I thought I might today so thought I might have a theme...then realised that is a wanky idea so scrapped it.

Starting with football (as always girls and gays, scroll down (and when I say gay i'm not suggesting homosexuals don't like football, just people that don't like football are gay (not that I have anything agaist gaying either (should probably just shut up now)))) So...football, LFC play saturday in the merseyside derby against Everton, easy win as always for the mighty reds!!

Have you heard the word?

Don't really understand Twitter yet but have signed up for it on behalf of the pub (assuming I ever take over!!) so if anybody is on Twitter then "follow" me (I guess!)

http://www.twitter.com/the_cross_keys

Staying with the internet I wanted to put up a few links to videos that I love but don't know how many of you have seen them or not, I hope that there is at least one here that is new to you...

http://vimeo.co/173714 Group of office workers lypsynching to LIT's "I'm not sick but i'm not well", Thanks to Bluejooz for the link.

http://vimeo.com/8267791 Ok Go's music video for "A Million Ways"

http://vimeo.com/8267567 Ok Go again this time its "Here it Goes again"

http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1928033 ....Umm, its just funny!!

Everybodys heard about the word.

Getting very excited about Download Festival after the first round of bands were announced, headlining on the friday night will be AC/DC and quite frankly it will be fine if they just play on their own all weekend, I fucking love AC/DC is what I am essentially saying, and those of you who have not heard Back in Black are missing out on one of the best albums ever made!!

Its doppelganger week on Facebook this week (supposedly) however not many people have joined in, all you have to do is change your profile pic to a celebrity who you resemble so I (obviously) went for Dara O'Briain (the host of Mock The Week, although not so obvious if you don't know what I look like...umm...I look a bit like Dara O'Briain)






















That is Dara with my lovely Fianceeeee (still not sure on those e's!!) at Alton Towers and my good self on the left in a sharp suit!!

Everybody's heard about the bird !
Bird bird bird, the bird is the word !
Everybody's heard about the bird !
Bird bird bird, the bird is the word !
Everybody's heard about the bird !
Bird bird bird, the bird is the word !
Everybody's heard about the bird !
Bird bird bird, the bird is the word !


Thats it, still no pub, getting very fucked off!!

Open Mic tonight at The Gresham.

Peace,

Marcus.

P.S. Manflu gone for those that were worried!!