Ashes diary – Day 2

I had a good response to day 1 from friends, randoms and even some journalists which is encouraging so I shall continue, as I write this (09.03am) I am watching highlights from last night, it is 7pm in Brisbane and still a balmy 20 degrees, in Llandudno it is.....snowing, a lot!!

Trust me though, I would much rather be here in the fucking arctic circle of N. Wales than down under in a place that has 320 days of sunshine per year, much, much happier here!

I wrote yesterdays diary retrospectively and used a text commentary to get the times right, however today I made notes so as to be more accurate and am posting it much earlier, If there is anything I need to add I will do so afterwards.

01.25am: For those who don’t know anything about me or the pub, Thursday night is Open Mic night and is a very, very popular night and proved so once again, after finally getting rid of all the piss-heads and closing down I set myself up ready to watch the cricket.

You know the set-up now so here is a snack update, I have made myself 2 (yep, 2!) cheese, ham and tomato toasties with extra strong cheddar, I also have a pint of diet Pepsi, 2 mallow chocolates and a pack of WS&V, now this might seem like a lot of food.....it is!

England have failed to make any sort of breakthrough, Katich and Watson are looking reasonably comfortable and the Aussies are 78/0.

01.26am: Seems I picked a good time to start watching as there is a review straight away, Watson LBW, it is not out and England ask for a review, the Australian TV network covering the Ashes are not using hawkeye but something called virtualeye, as far as anyone can see it is the same and it shows the ball sliding down leg side, so not out.

01.28am: It appears Anderson’s ploy to upset Watson has worked as he edges a straight one right down the throat of 1st slip Andy Strauss. OUT, 78/1.

01.32am: Just to show how much attention I pay sometimes, I have only just noticed in the bottom left hand corner of the screen (assuming you are watching Sky Sports) it tells you who is facing who, as in batsman Vs bowler, nice touch!

01.47am: Man, staring to feel tired already, it has been a really busy night and coupled with a lack of sleep from the night before, I need to perk myself up!

01.49am: Oh yeah, good point, FM11 update (not played it much tonight), well, I have played 24 this season W12, D5 and L7, currently in 5th place and a whopping 6 points behind....Spurs, who are top, need to go on a bit of a run and a Champions League place is surely within my grasp, also need to sort my front line out, my four strikers are Torres, Aguero, Luis Fabiano and
David N’Gog (don’t be fooled, N’Gog comes good in 2nd season)

Also I was just thinking, I’m glad Stuart Broad doesn’t have floppy hair anymore, don’t get me wrong I had long hair when I was younger, but I didn’t need to pull it back behind my ears between EVERY FUCKING DELIVERY while live on Sky Sports, good lad!

01.52am: Just mentally preparing myself for my upcoming FIFA battle at the lunch break, all the food has now been devoured and I have half a diet Pepsi left.

01.58am: Finally Swanny comes in for an over and his first delivery has lots of turn, encouraging but I can’t help but feel he should have come on earlier.

02.02am: Lunch break, Australia are 96/1.

02.03am: FIFA time, I come up against TerrorTimpski, he chooses Inter Milan and I opt for Man Utd, slow start to the game and nothing really happens in the first half and we go in to the break 0-0.

After half time it is a different story, I race out of the blocks and score a delightful header after 47mins with Rooney after a cross from Nani, we had barely restarted when a through ball from Rooney finds Berbatov one on one with the keeper and calmly slides it past for 2-0 after 51 mins.

Now Inter start to come back and they score through Sneijder with a long range effort after 58 mins and its game on, however my defence proves too strong and I hold on for a deserved victory.

Manchester Utd Vs Internazionale
2 – 1
Rooney 47’ Sneijder 58’
Berbatov 51’

He wanted a rematch but there wouldn’t have been time before play resumed so maybe next time, loser!

By the way, if anyone thinks they are man enough to take me on at lunch tomorrow, my gamertag on Xbox live is Fredi Fudpukka and I'll be waiting at 02.00am for anybody who thinks they are hard enough (not sure if that sounded perverted but I'm going with it anyway!)

02.42am: I have barely taken my seat after a pit stop when Ponting tickles on leg side straight to Prior and he is OUT! I feel a second wind and set myself a target of making it to tea at least, 96/2.

02.50am: Katich gets his 50, what an annoying bastard, how do you get him out?

02.55am: Ahhh, that’s how you get him out, caught and bowled by Finn, great work by 6’7” Finn to dive so low, so quick to catch that, can’t imagine Crouch (same height) would have looked quite so graceful!!

03.01am: This has been bothering me for a while, Steven Finn reminds me of someone and I have just figured it out, he looks like Dr Caroline Todd from Green Wing (which, in case you never watched it, is fucking brilliant)

Hmmm you decide??

03.08am: Finn (and pretty much everyone else) think that Clarke has been caught behind, umpire says no and Strauss immediately reviews it, nothing on slow-mo or on hot-spot and it is turned down.

Snicko is not being used for reviews but Sky Sports has it in use anyway, and it shows that the ball did feather the inside edge, hope that doesn’t come back to haunt us.

03.20am: UH...OH!! really starting to flag now, don’t know how much longer I’m going to be able to stay awake!

08.12am: Awake, check the score and England only took 2 more wickets and the aussies finish on 220/5, with Mr Cricket (FYI... shite nickname) on 81 not out, although from what I have seen it seems that the umpires are definitely in collusion with the aussies as we could easily have had another 45 mins play, Jimmy, Broad and Finny would have torn through that tail, but hey ho.

Seeing as I have been writing this and not getting anymore sleep I will no doubt be fucking knackered for tonight when we have one of the biggest bands in town playing and we will be very busy, also means I will yet again miss the first hour or so.

So, Mr Strauss (I know you are reading this) I require the boys to finish off the aussies for under 300 and you and Cooky to put around 50 on ready for when I come upstairs and settle down for day 3.

Oh and in case you wondered, it’s still very bastard cold.

See you tomorrow.

Marcus.

Sleep count for 1st Test - 10 hours.

Food count for 1st Test - 2 Cheese, Ham and Tomato toasties, 2 mallow chocs, 1 WS&V, 1 Steak kettle chips (150g) 3 pints of diet Pepsi and 1 pint of Becks Vier.

FIFA record for 1st Test - P2 W2 D0 L0 - F6 A1.

Manflu.......MEH!! plus Denis, Steve and Boo Boo

Aaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrgh!! I have Man Flu and as always am wallowing in my own particular brand of self pity, snotty tissues, runny nose, headache and Night Nurse. For those of you who have never had Night Nurse it really is quite the medicine/opiate, you really should try it! Denis Leary did a stand-up show called No Cure for Cancer in the early nineties and in it he describes the pleasures of NyQuil (which is essentially an early version of Night Nurse), a common cold relief which includes all sorts of shit that basically knock you out (here is a link to see him telling you about it, very funny!!)

*Cough*

Got up early to watch Andy Murray lose the Australian Open final this morning (8.30 isn't early but as I am doing nothing at all at the moment it's very fucking early!!), I'm not sure if I thought he would win or not, I know he is capable but its the stigma attached to being British (not Scottish when he is good at something!). If Murray was Bulgarian but had the exact same talent then he would probably be picking up his 3rd or 4th Major title, but being British (again, not Scottish!) makes it harder, I'm sure he will win a major one day....just not today!

*Sneeze*

Staying with sport I went to The Racecourse Ground (Wrexham FC's home ground) on Friday night to see the first Superleague game of the season (Rugby League), as we were approaching Wrexham there was quite a bit of snow around so wondered if the game would even go ahead, the pitch itself was covered in a couple of inches of snow but the game went ahead in -4C weather. I know those Rugby boys are hard as nails but even I could see the expressions on their faces when being tackled....it was one of "FUCK ME...I'M FUCKING FREEZING!!)

*Sniff*

Been watching all the Bottom Live DVD's recently, I love them....that's all on that!!

I was going to mention Steven Seagal: Lawman anyway but the boys from The Podcast Four http://podcastfour.blogspot.com/ spoke about him briefly....never mind I will say what I was going to say anyway, for anyone who hasn't seen it, its about Steven Seagal having a real day job as a deputy sheriff somewhere in the arse-end of nowhere, Louisiana. In the one episode I saw the first half had Seagal and the other deputys doing police type work but in the second half it changed into...

Steven Seagal: Please somebody remember me! (Imagine this synopsis read out by a deep voiced American who normally does voice overs for epic thrillers)

"Steven Seagal is charged with his most difficult mission to date....being more self absorbed than Paris Hilton and Katie Price put together!!"

As soon as the second half started it showed him practising with his band (I have actually seen him play live.. it wasn't bad and he can really play a guitar very well) then we see him going to a children's hospital (with sunglasses on...cock) and meeting kids with all kinds of problems before shedding a crocodile tear (still with sunglasses on...double cock) and announcing he will put on a concert to help raise money for the hospital!!

Why doesn't he just give some money to the hospital instead of walking around (with sunglasses on.... Treble cock!!) hoping one of the kids has seen Nico!!

*Cough*

Still no pub yet!!

*Sneeze*

Next open mic, Thursday 4th Feb, Upstairs @ The Gresham Bar, Mostyn Street, Llandudno come one, come all (I may be performing a version of the now fabled "Fuck off Kev, I'm not making you a Coffee") assuming my Man Flu has gone by then.

*Sniff*

Peace,

Mar *Sneeze *cus!!

P.S. If you are reading this Boo Boo....you've missed your own point!!

First one!

So i don't know what exactly I'm meant to do on this "blogging" malarkey but i thought i would just talk about stuff and see how it goes....

I will start with Liverpool FC!! I have been a fan since i was 5 years old (I'm 31 in 2 days) when i was in the pub my family owned and we were having some decorating done and one of the decorators was a scouser convinced me that LFC were the team who i should support and the rest is history, yes I'm from the south and have only been to Anfield a dozen or so times but why does this make me less of a fan than a season ticket holder who hasn't missed a home game since 1978? I can hold my own in a conversation with anybody regarding football (even Ray Stubbs but that story can wait for another day). However my point at the moment is why are we so shit? (see how i say "we" for Liverpool FC....i know that annoys people!!) last season we finished second in the Premier league after winning more games than anybody else, loosing the least and scoring the most goals, too many draws was our downfall and so we finished second only four points behind Man Utd in first (I know a lot of LFC fans like to refer to Man Utd as several funny names like Man Ure etc but i am well above that so from now on they will be referred to simply as "The Scum"!!). We sold Alonso and bought Aquilani (injury prone but showing signs of some real talent however for now... i still miss Xabi!) we sold Arbeloa but brought in Johnson however for some reason Rafa seemed less inclined to actually add to the squad especially in the form of a striker to take the burden of Torres. So the season starts and by November we were out of any form of title race, out of the league cup and also out of the Champions league!! So we come to last night......An F.A Cup replay against Reading (who are struggling in the Championship!) we should have been able to rest Gerrard, Torres, Carragher and Reina safe in the knowledge that a team of LFC's standard should overcome Reading even with missing their star players and cruised through to round four, but for some reason I'm sat here the next day knowing that we now have no chance of any silverware this year (other than maybe the Europa league and I'll take any bet we meet Everton on the way and get knocked out!) and no money to buy more players. I'll end this piece by saying that i renounce my support of football altogether until June 11Th (opening day of world cup) and will start supporting.... ah fuck it who am i kidding? I'm destined for a depressing reading of newspapers, monotonous games on T.V and endless ribbing from my non LFC supporting friends and relatives.......bollocks!!!

I went and saw Avatar (in 3D no less!) last Weds and what a treat it was, i was slightly sceptical because of the length of the film and the fact i knew there was some overriding love story attached to it but i couldn't have been more wrong. I won't say anything about it yet to avoid spoiling it for those who have yet to see but i implore you to go and see it and will give it a proper review in a couple of weeks.

I have been playing Forza 3 on the Xbox 360 recently and it is quite frankly brilliant, it is so realistic you feel as if you are actually driving, I have just reached driving level 39 (i dunno if that is good or not, it could be 39 out of 500 which means I'm shit or its 39 from 40 which would suggest i am a Forza god!) and own some pretty shit hot cars! Also been playing Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 (to be known as cod from now on (although not to be confused with item that is served with chips)) and it is absolutely amazing, I have just reached "prestige" level online which means i'm great!! I have also had several LAN (local are network) parties recently with some of mine and my girlfriends friends which means 8, 10, 12 and up to 16 people all get in a room with a 360 and a TV each, link them all together and proceed to kill each other (virtually of course!!) over the duration of a day which is 10 times more fun then it sounds!

It occurs to me that this has turned into a dairy more than a blog but hey ho that's they way it goes sometimes, just to balance it out by commentating on a few things i have seen or heard recently...

Gavin from Autoglass seems a complete cunt!!

I have been mostly listening to the podcast four this week....funny, illuminating and mostly made up but am enjoying it immensely http://podcastfour.blogspot.com/

On a separate self-publicising note I have just bought The Cross Keys in Madoc Street, Llandudno which i will take over and open on 1st February so if anyone reading this fancies coming along for a pint then please do so as we aim to take this pub back to its former glory when Ritchie and his fellow Whittingham's had it, There will be a weekly quiz, regular karaoke and plenty of live entertainment from some of the best local bands around. Anybody with any ideas for the pub or anything you wanna say about the blog please feel free to contact me.

Thanks very much for reading