Self whoring, not gaying or racisting, obviously!!

Still haven't got time to write a blog but I'll do my bestest for now, pub is going well, here is a quick rundown of what happens when:- Tuesday quiz, Thursday themed quiz, starting with sport this week followed by movies and music quizzes, Friday is Karaoke night and live music every Saturday with great local bands....OK, that's enough self whoring for now!!

Saw an interview on TV the other day with Glen Johnson and had to laugh at how many times the man says "obviously!!" So here it is, He says obviously 10 times in 2 mins and 15 seconds giving him a obviously per minute (OPM) ratio of 4.14....obviously!!

Staying with footy, why is it if a player has a terrible game that they are said to be "unfortunate!!" Lukas Fabianski played in goal for Arsenal on Wednesday night, scored an own goal and then picked a back pass from Sol Campbell for Porto to score their second goal....the commentator's words later on were "...and Porto still hold this narrow lead thanks in part to the UNFORTUNATE Fabianski" I'm fairly sure what he should have said was "...and Porto still hold this narrow lead thanks in part to the COMPLETELY FUCKING USELESS BAG OF BABOONS SPUNK Fabianski"

Still sort of with football, The Cole's (Cheryl and Cashley) have finally split, a friend of mine uttered his thoughts on the subject which I will repeat but remember these are not my thoughts, He said "Cheryl is a racist cos of beating up a black girl in a nightclub toilet calling her a chickaboo and Ashley likes mobile phones up his bum making him a bummer, it was the perfect marriage of convenience, She marries a black man proving she isn't racist and he marries a woman proving he isn't gay!!"

It would be impossible to write things without mentioning the pub as it is where I spend 30 hours a day! So the other day a lovely old couple popped in lunchtime and bought a drink, took a seat by the fire and chatted about stuff, I picked up an empty nearby when the nice old lady asked me if I was the new Landlord and what my name is, I replied yes I am and my name is Marcus, she told me her favourite ever poet was called Marcus....something (she never remembered his surname) and began to deliver what turned out to be a SEVEN FUCKING MINUTE rendition of one of his poems!! I won't be rude as she was a paying customer but seriously........what the fuck!?!

I was always told as a child that the police were the people who you should trust and respect, also that if in trouble always ask a policeman....this leads me to a story that happened about a week ago (for security reasons I cannot recant the whole thing but here it is in a nutshell) I may or may not have had trouble possibly getting into somewhere that may or may not be somewhere I may or may not have needed or wanted to possibly go, so I asked a policeman who may or may not have been nearby and he possibly made it easier to get into somewhere that I may or may not have needed to get in to........ is that coy enough!?!

My fianceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee told me what she saw last Saturday night whilst walking to The Godfather for chips and cheese (after working at the pub, not a night out) Now some stories just don't need a punchline or something added to make it brilliant....this is such a story. She was about halfway there when she saw on the floor a large pile of what can only be described as watery vom, about 10 paces later she saw a flowery birthday card and within another 10 paces was the finale....a smashed Lambrini bottle!!! Puke, girly birthday card, Lambrini bottle!! Imagine what this lovely lady looked ...yep....I thought the same....!!

As Mr Farelli (No, you're welcome) will have mentioned in his blog, we had a little game of poker on Monday which he won, I was out 2nd of 7 so not very good, however no story of a bad beat, no middle pin straight on the river or hit a 2 on the turn while holding a pair of ducks, I had Ace/10 suited, Mike went all-in, I called, he had Ace/Queen suited and won....in the words of Dr Claw.."I'll get you next time, Gadget!".......without the Gadget!!

Peace,

Marcus

P.S. Turns out I did have quite a lot to write about and I never mention the fact that Gavin from Autoglass is in fact....a cunt!!