Wednesday, 1 December 2010

New Sports Blog

If you are here looking for My Ashes Diary, firstly let me thank you for doing so, I enjoy writing it very much and love the feedback that I have gotten so far (good and bad).

However this is my personal blog and I am writing more and more about sport so myself and George Allwell have started a new blog which is where I will be posting my diary from now on...

...once again I thank you for reading thus far and I hope you will continue to read on all the way through till the end of the ashes.



Monday, 29 November 2010

Ashes diary –Day 5

Still got a cracking headache from Saturday’s exploits so once again I am sat here ready for the start of play, I don’t really see any other outcome than a draw but would love to see England pile on the runs just to piss off Ponting, hammer home another 400 during the day would be fucking great.

Sadly I feel I know Mr Strauss well enough that if we make it to tea with a colossal lead he will pointlessly declare and allow the bowlers a go at the top order, either way I’m reasonably sure that when I wake up tomorrow (haven’t made it through the night once yet, don’t think tonight will be the night I do it for the first time) we will have drawn the 1st test despite Australia seemingly having victory in their hands after the 3rd day.

23.44pm: I tune in to TMSofa’s coverage ready for the start (not going back to Sky commentary, from now on I am a devoted Sofa fan, my snack update is quick and simple, I have no snacks at all, I had a lovely meal of chicken and chips before and am completely stuffed still.

00.00am: First ball of the day from Hilfenhaus to Cook, England are starting day 5 on 309/1, that’s right, 309/1...against Australia, in Australia, lovely!

00.29am: Cook brings up his 150, he looks in great touch and could easily bat all day, please let him get to his triple century Straussy, don’t even consider a pointless declaration.

00.54am: As you can see from the gap between entries today is not looking like it is going to be full of incident, England are looking in supreme touch and the Australians don’t look like they can find a way to take one wicket today, let alone another 9!

00.56am: I will assume that someone heard me write that last entry as Trott just gave Clarke some easy 1st slip catching practice, fortunately Clarke is a massive bag of shit at the moment and doesn’t look like he could catch a cold, so inevitably he drops it, I can’t stress how routine a catch that was, poor Pup!

01.01am: As easy as it is to mock Clarke, it is far, far easier to ridicule Mitchell Johnson, firstly it has to be noted that I once saw him single handedly decimate a potent South African attack, make no mistake, on his day MiJo is a dangerous is not his day!

After dropping Strauss on 69 yesterday things didn’t look like they could get worse, but his bowling has been garbage and he has just sent a delivery a clear 2 yards behind Cook’s back and it sails all the way for 4 wides, it made Harmison’s opening efforts from 4 years ago seem accurate, we are literally watching the fall of a once average cricketer!

01.16am: X-Doh is on and being shit at bowling, I’m not surprised as he is a shit bowler.

01.19am: After performances in this test, but especially today, I think that Clarke, Johnson and X-Doh could all struggle to make it for the 2nd test, not sure it will, but I would be very surprised if X-Doh ever wears the baggy green again.

Johnson is different because despite how shit he is being (and he is being really shit) Australia know he can do it at the highest level, as for Clarke, he is the heir apparent, the man groomed as Ponting’s successor, could they possibly drop him, for me, I think they should, but don’t think they will.

01.26am: X-Doh has just given 8 byes in 2 balls due to the cracks forming on the pitch, I still think we should bat right through to the end but would love to see Swanny have a go!

01.41am: The aussies are completely hapless, no chance of anything happening here, as much as I am enjoying watching the demoralisation of their bowling attack, this is turning into a moot day of cricket.

01.42am: Jonathan Trott passes 1000 test runs for the year of 2010, very impressive from the South African...Englishman!

01.53am: Cook brings up his double hundred, awesome work from out vice-captain!

01.56am: Turned the Xbox on ready for my ensuing FIFA battle at lunchtime, not making excuses but still got a banging headache!

01.59am: Trott gets to his century meaning all 3 all England’s top batmen have made it to 3 figures, only ever happened once before in the history of English cricket, once again I remind you this is Australia we are Australia!

02.00am: Lunch break, England are 439/1, that’s 439/ more time...!!!

Here is the bit you are waiting for, my FIFA battle, today’s opponent is Krishan 7, I choose Man City (seem to enjoy playing as city) and he chooses Man Utd.

He is one of those really annoying players that you can’t get the ball from, and he makes the possession pay with a poachers effort from Nani, he takes possession back almost immediately and strolls through the defence and slots home to make it 2-0, I am really struggling here and go in at half-time 2-0 down.

I start the second half in the same vain and narrowly avoid conceding a third, things are looking grim and my unbeaten record looks like going, then a hopeful long ball finds Tevez and a sharp turn leaves him one on one with the keeper and he finishes, maybe a draw is possible, 4 minutes later I get a free-kick from around 30 yards, Tevez steps up and dispatches it nicely to square things up.

I have all the momentum now and a junking run from Tevez down the left side and a low cross finds Kolo Toure in the striker’s position and he slams the ball home, unbelievably I am now in the lead with only 10 minutes left, then Krishan 7 committed the cardinal sin of gaming...


Now this is unforgivable, I send him the standard message...”You got owned, bitch!” but no reply, as it was so late in the game I am not sure whether the 3-2 result stands or as he quit a 3-0 score line should be awarded to me, I’ll take the 3-2 (only because it was late in the game)

Manchester City Vs Manchester Utd
Tevez 60’, 66’ Nani 17’
K Toure 80’ Berbatov 31’

02.44am: Play has resumed, not sure this should be added to the snack counter but got myself a pint of water, also taken two Nurofen for the headache.

02.55am: England reach 444/1, a quadruple nelson!

03.04am: Johnson sends a delivery 2 yards behind cook again for 4 wides, if I was more cynical I would suggest he is playing shit on purpose!

03.12am: Ponting claims a catch from Trott, goes to the 3rd umpire and is inconclusive so given not out, Ponting questions the decision...ooh I hope he gets a fine for dissent, that would be very special!

03.24am: I have just tweeted my 1979th tweet, only special because I was born in 1979, I dedicated it to this diary.

03.37am: England bring up the 500 because of another shite delivery from X-Doh, now 502/1.

03.47am: This is now the latest I have awake since the start of the ashes, is the reason because England have been awesome? Maybe I am just not tired? Maybe it’s because my head is still fucking killing me? Faye has told me to go back to the doctors tomorrow so that is what I will be doing.

Seeing as this is nearly over I may let myself drop off, nothing much more exciting will happen from here.

03.59am: ENGLAND HAVE DECLARED! I fucking told you, Strauss is so predictable, he should have just left Cook to stay out and get his triple century, realistically he could have gone on and got 350 odd, Trott would have made a double century also.
And...Australia could actually win from here, 40 overs and 297 the target, it’s unlikely buy theoretically they could do it.

04.23am: Very sleepy now so definitely the last entry, Australia now need something like 8.5 an over to win which simply isn’t going to happen, I will awaken to find Australia finished on 102/0 therefore making it (as I’ve repeatedly said) a pointless declaration!

11.01am: Awake, I have woken a few times this morning but kept dropping off so this is my official awake time, I was nearly right with my prediction, Australia finished on 107/1 with Ponting hitting 51 and Twatto getting 41.

The result of the first test is a draw meaning my ludicrously optimistic prediction of a 3-0 win for England is still on.

I have really enjoyed the test match though and am very much looking forward to the next one, which is also where I will pick my diary up from.

This test will be remembered for a few things, England’s failure with the bat 1stinnings, Hussey (who was lucky to be playing if you believe some reports) scoring 195, then England’s total dominance with the bat second innings which includes Cook’s magnificent 235 not out.

Bowling wise Finn taking 6 wickets in Australia’s 1st innings was very encouraging and of course Siddle’s hat trick was brilliant (even if he is a massive twat)

For me the most memorable thing (other than Cooky’s 235) will be Australia relying on players who simply aren’t good enough, X-Doh and Johnson will be very lucky to retain their places as Australia have already added Bollinger and Harris to the squad, Clarke won’t be dropped but seriously needs to remember how to play cricket or he will be a weakness that England will exploit every single innings.

All in all I am satisfied with the draw (remember Australia need to win outright as we currently hold the Ashes) and it is definitely advantage England heading into Adelaide on Thursday.

Which is where I will see you next.



Sleep total for 1st test – 28.5 hours (still quite respectable but remember bad head + painkillers)
Food total for 1st test – 2 Cheese, Ham and Tomato toasties, 2 Ham and tomato ketchup sandwiches,1 Chicken and Mushroom pot Noodle, 2 slices of bread and butter, 2 mallow chocs, 1 WS&V, 1 WC&O, 1 Steak kettle chips (150g), 1 Roysters, 1 crunch corner, Faye’s leftover Cantonese chicken, 4 pints of diet Pepsi, 1 pint of Beck Vier, 1 bottle of diet coke (200ml) and 1 pint of water.

FIFA record P5 W4 D1 L0 – F13 A5.

Sunday, 28 November 2010

Ashes diary – Day 4

I never thought I would start any writing from anywhere with the lyrics to a song by Dinah Washington, but the lyrics really do work..come on, sing along..

“ What a difference a day makes – 24 little hours”

..what a difference indeed!

23.44pm: For those keeping up with the diary you will know I had a little accident yesterday and suffered a nasty bang on my head, turns out I am suffering with mild concussion and need to rest for a day or two, on the plus side (and this really is the only plus) It means I can watch the ashes from the start while my fiancé (Faye) has to keep an eye on the pub.

As always a snack update, sadly I’m still feeling a little sick from before so no snacks, just mainlining Nurofen instead..for now!

23.48pm: 1st ball of the day as apparently we need to make up 12 more minutes from day 2, whatever you want! Come on boys, 1st target is lunch, got to make lunch without losing a wicket.

23.59pm: I see Cook is trying to piss me off by making it easy for the aussies, fortunately he edges to the only gap in the slips and it goes for four, come on Cooky, concentrate!

00.01am: Bumble and Warne are having a discussion about being wheeled around Brisbane in a wheelchair...baffling!

00.03am: I’m enjoying the commentary but my head is killing me so considering watching it in silence, only a consideration though, probably won’t.

00.05am: Change of plan r.e. snacks, Faye is preparing me a chicken and mushroom pot noodle, two slices of bread and butter and a pint of diet Pepsi, yum.

00.23am: Pot noodle and bread and butter devoured, Pepsi is a third gone and I feel slightly better, head is still hurting and the noise emanating from downstairs is very loud, but the pub will close in 15 mins and the noise will subside, thank god for that!

England are looking good at 48/0.

00.29am: 50 partnership between Strauss and Cook, good work boys, also love that it came from a mistake by X-Doh, Sky Sports use a graphic to show the partnership and have headshots of both players, Cook looks like he is a) wearing guyliner, and b)cross is freaking me the fuck out!

00.35am: An exchange on twitter has made me chuckle a lot, here are two explanations one for people who tweet and one for those who don’t:-

Tweeters: Some girl in Massachusetts has the name @theashes and that has prompted lots and lots and lots of tweeple to tag her in all cricket related tweets to which she is starting to meltdown about, then my mate Adam tweeted me and tagged her in it, with the hashtag #joininginthefun, I am fairly sure she is either going to kill herself or....I don’t have an or!!

Non-Tweeters: Some girl in Massachusetts has the name @theashes (this is your username so you can be individually recognised) and that has prompted lots and lots and lots of tweeple (twitter users) to tag her in all cricket related tweets (status updates) to which she is starting to meltdown about, then my mate Adam tweeted me (messaged me directly) and tagged her in it (included her name as well), with the hashtag (this like stating a topic the tweet is about) #joininginthefun, I am fairly sure she is either going to kill herself (death by her own hands) or....I don’t have an or!!


00.55am: I have dispatched with Sky’s commentary now and on the recommendation of my fellow Sportscast cohort George, I am now listening to the commentary provided by Test Match sofa, it’s very funny, informative and interactive, I actually got a shout out for this diary from them, I will include the live commentary link below, do it, do it now, and mention me if you do!

01.00am: After closing the pub Faye has gone out to meet her sister’s at the nightclub, I told her that she must, must, must pull out the sprinkler on the dance floor!

01.12am: That’s 50 for Captain Strauss, dare I say that England are almost enjoying this now, 45 mins till lunch, that’s the target for now.

01.28am: Decided that I am not going back to Sky’s commentary now, it’s TMSofa from now on.

01.33am: X-Doh has appeared, please spank him to all parts of the ground to make this stupid fucking experiment by Australia go away (anyone that quotes “2wickets in the 1st innings” please remember that Marcus North also took a wicket yesterday with his “right arm filth”)

01.36am: Mitchell Johnson drops a dolly from Strauss, I’m struggling to see what he does...Can’t bowl, can’t bat, can’t field and has a shit moustache, so please keep on selecting him!

01.38am: They show yet another replay of Johnson dropping Strauss and in the background you see the barmy army giving him a standing ovation..haha!

02.00am: Lunch break, England are 135/0 great effort from Strauss 79 not out and Cook 51 not out, now...FIFA time.

My opponent is El Poisono (I guess Spanish?) I play as Man City, he picks Real Madrid.
Two quick early goals from me, a good passing move ending with Adebayor slotting home and a great free-kick from Tevez makes it 2-0 at half-time, no more goals and it’s a comfortable, routine victory for me.

Manchester City Vs Real Madrid
2 – 0
Adebayor 9’
Tevez 20’

02.32am: This headache is not going anywhere despite more painkillers (if you are getting bored of the mentions of my head...tough, it fucking hurts!), however I actually feel quite awake so maybe for the first time I may make it to tea.

02.45am: Strauss is looking brilliant and is now 84 not out, he may very well make it to (should I say it? Might jinx it? Might make it happen? Fuck it, I’m going to say it) his century.

02.58am: Strauss again, but this time he is top edging over the slips to unattractively bring up England’s 150 and still to lose a wicket, great effort guys!

03.03am: An LBW shout against Strauss, the aussies only have 1 review left, please use it, it was never out, they choose not to, England are 157/0.

03.09am: Strauss gets to his century, a captains innings (ooh cliché).

03.16am: Think the painkillers are really kicking in now as I feel very drowsy, my target of making tea may not happen, if this is the last entry I just hope England make it to the end of the day without losing more than 3 wickets.

09.57am: Awake (Faye doesn't work on Sunday, hence the time), quick check on Sky Sports news and England finish on 309/1 which gives us a lead of 88, an amazing days cricket, Cook reached his century finishing the day on 132 not out (I have a feeling he hardly scored more than that for the entire Ashes 2009, I’ll check that and get back to you) and Trott came in with a very handy 57 not out.

We now have two options, bat hard and fast till lunch and set them a two session target of say 275 and make a game of it, or play safe and bat through till it is a draw, I like seeing a good game of cricket so would love to see the former, but long term a draw is a much better option, especially as we could easily have lost this test.

Did I mention that my head is hurting? Hope it feels better today.

Oh and I sent the link to this diary to Sky Sports Ashes anchor Simon Thomas (@skysports_simon) and here is his reply...

@MarcusjMitchell good stuff. Hope the head's a bit better and you get better luck with your FIFA opponents this time.

...what a thoroughly bloody nice chap.

See you tomorrow.


Sleep count for 1st test – 22 hours (quite respectable but remember bad head + painkillers)

Food count for 1st test – 2 Cheese, Ham and Tomato toasties, 2 Ham and tomato ketchup sandwiches, 1 Chicken and Mushroom pot Noodle, 2 slices of bread and butter, 2 mallow chocs, 1 WS&V, 1 WC&O, 1 Steak kettle chips (150g), 1 Roysters, 1 crunch corner, Faye’s leftover Cantonese chicken, 4 pints of diet Pepsi, 1 pint of Beck Vier and 1 bottle of diet coke (200ml).

FIFA record P4 W3 D1 L0 – F10 A3.

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Saturday, 27 November 2010

Ashes diary – Day 3

It’s 8.27am as I start writing this, I am very tired but need to be up ready for 9.00 to get some beer in (to sell, not to drink!) the reason as to why I have no beer in my pub is also the reason I didn’t start watching until late, we had Catfish and the Bottlemen playing last night, don’t be fooled by the name, these guys have some serious game, they also have a serious following, which of course meant my pub was absolutely hammered last night, hence the lack of beer!

Two things have just caught my eye...

1. An advert for the new Hyundai IX20, at the end they park the car on the top of a multi story car park and leave it crookedly across about 4 bays, nothing pisses me off more than some twat parking inconsiderately and here are Hyundai actively promoting it...dicks!

2. On Sky Sports news they have just been talking about the horse racing meeting at Wolverhampton that had to be abandoned because of the snow...Wolverhampton is an all weather track. Surely they need to come up with a new name, as clearly it is not all weather, maybe call it most weather track, or track that is fine unless it's raining, snowing, hailstones or the wind is blowing from a south easterly direction!

01.14am: So just made it upstairs and turned the TV on, it appears that my message to Mr Strauss didn’t get through....I’m fairly sure that I asked him to have the aussies all out by this time, not sure why that wasn’t done.

I had a couple of pints tonight while the band were playing so that has already made me feel a little more tired than I wanted but we’ll see how long I can last.

As always my snack situation – 2 Ham and tomato ketchup sandwiches, 1 bag of cheese and onion crisps, 1 bag of Roysters steak crisps (amazing if you’ve never tried them) and a small bottle of diet Coke, Faye had a Chinese for dinner and there is leftover crispy Chicken Cantonese style should I get peckish later (although with that amount of food, it’s unlikely...)

Oh and for the record, Australia are 290/5 having not lost a wicket in the first hour and three quarters, although I find out that Hussey was caught plum LBW by Anderson but England have used all their reviews up, good work ICC, come up with a system to stop umpires dropping massive clangers and then use a contradicting system to prevent the teams from using it!!

01.20am: Michael Hussey is gesticulating wildly towards the crowd above the sight screen, turns out they were committing the heinous crime of...standing up!

01.24am: Colly has a bowl..why not? the others have bowled well but can’t make a breakthrough, maybe a change of pace might work....AHHHHHHH, first ball, Haddin sticks it skywards and just out of Cook’s reach, it was a difficult chance but not to coin a phrase...catches win matches (alright, I coined a phrase!)

01.38am: The camera pans to the aussie bench and Watson seems to be either stretching his bicep or warming up for a lunchtime wank, seeing as he is definitely a massive wanker, I’ll go with the latter!

01.41am: They are now showing the 94th slow-mo replay of Cook just getting his fingertips to that catch before, seriously, it was a difficult chance!

01.48am: Bumble proves why he is a cricket genius, England ask for the ball to be changed as it is becoming misshapen (really, any excuse to try and mix this up, Australia are running away with it) Bumble says “They normally have a ring that if the ball passes through then It’s ok to carry on, I expect he has on in his pocket” 5 seconds later umpire Billy Doctrove pulls said ring out of his pocket... Bumble, we are not worthy!

01.52am: So FIFA time in 10 mins, just psyching myself up ready for the upcoming battle, while I’m psyching myself up Hussey gets a top edge but it sails over the slips and goes for 4 runs, lucky bastard.

01.54am: Jimmy is starting to get pissed off now, yet Hussey still finds another gap in the field and Australia are now 327/5, I polish of the Cantonese chicken that Faye left behind, delicious.

02.01am: Lunch, Australia are 329/5 and have dominated this session, all the bowlers put in a good shift (except Swanny who is struggling a little) so just need the luck to go with the endeavour.

FIFA time, I’m paired with someone called SuperSkope, I choose to play as Chelsea while he opts for AC Milan, I start very well and am in the lead after 5 mins, Drogba gets a lucky rebound and slots it in the corner, but Milan hit back almost immediately with a looping header from Pato 1-1, the 2nd half starts and I am very quickly back in the lead with Drogba again, a lovely low cross from Malouda and a comfortable finish.

I dominate the game but cannot put it out of reach and pay the price when a hopeful punt up field finds its way to Ibrahimovic and he tucks it away for a late equalizer, it finishes 2-2, the options of what to do next are, play extra time, extra time plus pens or finish as a draw, 99% of people select extra time and pens...except for this girly twat, he ends it as a draw and vanishes.

I naturally send him a message suggesting he has an inappropriate relationship with his mother but alas, the result stands thus ending my 100% record.

Chelsea Vs AC Milan
2 – 2
Drogba 5’ & 48’ - Pato 11’, Ibrahimovic 86’

02.30am: Despite the exciting game of FIFA I am seriously tired now, coupled with Australia playing so well I think that unless we take a wicket before 3am I may just settle down a get some sleep.

08.01am: Awake, I turn Sky Sports news on to find Australia amassed a total of 481, so that pretty much puts paid to England winning the first test, now we have to bat all day at least to give us a chance of the draw, Finn took 6/125 on his ashes debut, scant consolation but hope for the next test (unless you are Chris Tremlett, guaranteed to be sat on the bench for 4 more tests!)

I apologise for posting this late but have just returned from casualty after banging my head on a low doorway very, very hard, no lasting damage (I hope) but I have a crazy headache and a sore neck so I plan to rest up and see if there is any chance I will make it to the start of play, let alone my half-time FIFA battle.

See you tomorrow.


Sleep count for 1st test – 15 hours.

Food count for 1st test – 2 Cheese, Ham and Tomato toasties, 2 Ham and tomato ketchup sandwiches, 2 mallow chocs, 1 WS&V, 1 WC&O, 1 Steak kettle chips (150g), 1 Roysters, 1 crunch corner, Faye’s leftover Cantonese chicken, 3 pints of diet Pepsi, 1 pint of Beck Vier and 1 bottle of diet coke (200ml).

FIFA record P3 W2 D1 L0 – F8 A3.

Friday, 26 November 2010

Ashes diary – Day 2

I had a good response to day 1 from friends, randoms and even some journalists which is encouraging so I shall continue, as I write this (09.03am) I am watching highlights from last night, it is 7pm in Brisbane and still a balmy 20 degrees, in Llandudno it is.....snowing, a lot!!

Trust me though, I would much rather be here in the fucking arctic circle of N. Wales than down under in a place that has 320 days of sunshine per year, much, much happier here!

I wrote yesterdays diary retrospectively and used a text commentary to get the times right, however today I made notes so as to be more accurate and am posting it much earlier, If there is anything I need to add I will do so afterwards.

01.25am: For those who don’t know anything about me or the pub, Thursday night is Open Mic night and is a very, very popular night and proved so once again, after finally getting rid of all the piss-heads and closing down I set myself up ready to watch the cricket.

You know the set-up now so here is a snack update, I have made myself 2 (yep, 2!) cheese, ham and tomato toasties with extra strong cheddar, I also have a pint of diet Pepsi, 2 mallow chocolates and a pack of WS&V, now this might seem like a lot of is!

England have failed to make any sort of breakthrough, Katich and Watson are looking reasonably comfortable and the Aussies are 78/0.

01.26am: Seems I picked a good time to start watching as there is a review straight away, Watson LBW, it is not out and England ask for a review, the Australian TV network covering the Ashes are not using hawkeye but something called virtualeye, as far as anyone can see it is the same and it shows the ball sliding down leg side, so not out.

01.28am: It appears Anderson’s ploy to upset Watson has worked as he edges a straight one right down the throat of 1st slip Andy Strauss. OUT, 78/1.

01.32am: Just to show how much attention I pay sometimes, I have only just noticed in the bottom left hand corner of the screen (assuming you are watching Sky Sports) it tells you who is facing who, as in batsman Vs bowler, nice touch!

01.47am: Man, staring to feel tired already, it has been a really busy night and coupled with a lack of sleep from the night before, I need to perk myself up!

01.49am: Oh yeah, good point, FM11 update (not played it much tonight), well, I have played 24 this season W12, D5 and L7, currently in 5th place and a whopping 6 points behind....Spurs, who are top, need to go on a bit of a run and a Champions League place is surely within my grasp, also need to sort my front line out, my four strikers are Torres, Aguero, Luis Fabiano and
David N’Gog (don’t be fooled, N’Gog comes good in 2nd season)

Also I was just thinking, I’m glad Stuart Broad doesn’t have floppy hair anymore, don’t get me wrong I had long hair when I was younger, but I didn’t need to pull it back behind my ears between EVERY FUCKING DELIVERY while live on Sky Sports, good lad!

01.52am: Just mentally preparing myself for my upcoming FIFA battle at the lunch break, all the food has now been devoured and I have half a diet Pepsi left.

01.58am: Finally Swanny comes in for an over and his first delivery has lots of turn, encouraging but I can’t help but feel he should have come on earlier.

02.02am: Lunch break, Australia are 96/1.

02.03am: FIFA time, I come up against TerrorTimpski, he chooses Inter Milan and I opt for Man Utd, slow start to the game and nothing really happens in the first half and we go in to the break 0-0.

After half time it is a different story, I race out of the blocks and score a delightful header after 47mins with Rooney after a cross from Nani, we had barely restarted when a through ball from Rooney finds Berbatov one on one with the keeper and calmly slides it past for 2-0 after 51 mins.

Now Inter start to come back and they score through Sneijder with a long range effort after 58 mins and its game on, however my defence proves too strong and I hold on for a deserved victory.

Manchester Utd Vs Internazionale
2 – 1
Rooney 47’ Sneijder 58’
Berbatov 51’

He wanted a rematch but there wouldn’t have been time before play resumed so maybe next time, loser!

By the way, if anyone thinks they are man enough to take me on at lunch tomorrow, my gamertag on Xbox live is Fredi Fudpukka and I'll be waiting at 02.00am for anybody who thinks they are hard enough (not sure if that sounded perverted but I'm going with it anyway!)

02.42am: I have barely taken my seat after a pit stop when Ponting tickles on leg side straight to Prior and he is OUT! I feel a second wind and set myself a target of making it to tea at least, 96/2.

02.50am: Katich gets his 50, what an annoying bastard, how do you get him out?

02.55am: Ahhh, that’s how you get him out, caught and bowled by Finn, great work by 6’7” Finn to dive so low, so quick to catch that, can’t imagine Crouch (same height) would have looked quite so graceful!!

03.01am: This has been bothering me for a while, Steven Finn reminds me of someone and I have just figured it out, he looks like Dr Caroline Todd from Green Wing (which, in case you never watched it, is fucking brilliant)

Hmmm you decide??

03.08am: Finn (and pretty much everyone else) think that Clarke has been caught behind, umpire says no and Strauss immediately reviews it, nothing on slow-mo or on hot-spot and it is turned down.

Snicko is not being used for reviews but Sky Sports has it in use anyway, and it shows that the ball did feather the inside edge, hope that doesn’t come back to haunt us.

03.20am: UH...OH!! really starting to flag now, don’t know how much longer I’m going to be able to stay awake!

08.12am: Awake, check the score and England only took 2 more wickets and the aussies finish on 220/5, with Mr Cricket (FYI... shite nickname) on 81 not out, although from what I have seen it seems that the umpires are definitely in collusion with the aussies as we could easily have had another 45 mins play, Jimmy, Broad and Finny would have torn through that tail, but hey ho.

Seeing as I have been writing this and not getting anymore sleep I will no doubt be fucking knackered for tonight when we have one of the biggest bands in town playing and we will be very busy, also means I will yet again miss the first hour or so.

So, Mr Strauss (I know you are reading this) I require the boys to finish off the aussies for under 300 and you and Cooky to put around 50 on ready for when I come upstairs and settle down for day 3.

Oh and in case you wondered, it’s still very bastard cold.

See you tomorrow.


Sleep count for 1st Test - 10 hours.

Food count for 1st Test - 2 Cheese, Ham and Tomato toasties, 2 mallow chocs, 1 WS&V, 1 Steak kettle chips (150g) 3 pints of diet Pepsi and 1 pint of Becks Vier.

FIFA record for 1st Test - P2 W2 D0 L0 - F6 A1.

Thursday, 25 November 2010

Ashes diary – Day 1

So I thought it might be fun to do an Ashes diary, but from my perspective (bearing in mind I am a pub landlord, so staying up watching cricket all night is definitely not helping with my 200 hour working week!) as there are numerous diaries being kept by players and journalist alike who are currently enjoying 30 degree heat in Brisbane, while I am in Llandudno where it is a cool 2 degrees!

I will try to be informative about my goings on, my reactions to the events unfolding at the Ashes, my eating habits and how long I actually manage to stay awake before succumbing to the sandman and some well deserved shut eye.

Firstly let me set the scene (so you know from what situation I will be watching the Ashes) I have a 50” TV (not showing off, just setting the scene), Sky HD for crisper viewing pleasure, I have my laptop open in front of me with tweetdeck on the screen and Football Manager 2011 minimised ready to be played at anytime (I’m playing as LFC (of course) and am in my 2nd season, played 22, on 40 points in 4th place only 4 points off Chelsea in 1st, thanks for asking) I also have an uber-large bag of steak flavour kettle chips and a pint of diet Pepsi (not a fan of sugar in drinks)

Nov 24th

11.50pm: I lock the front doors of the pub having sent Watty home before we both missed the first ball, I prepare the snacks and drinks and take my seat, all the anticipation, the talk and the build up was finally over, I put a war-cry on twitter in case Swanny is checking his tweets.

Nov 25th

00.01am: The first ball of the ashes is delivered by Hilfenhaus and well left by Strauss, I put a jokey tweet referring to Steve Harmison’s first delivery four years ago going straight to second slip and chuckle to myself!

00.02am: Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!! Strauss edges the 3rd ball of the match straight into Michael Hussey’s hands....Brilliant, England are 0/1, I smell a sense of familiarity about this but remain confident.

00.45am: Finished my pint of diet Pepsi, wondering if I can be arsed to go get another, I can, and do. Starting to feel a little tired now so go and open a window and let some cool air in (as recommended on The Ashes Sportscast special featuring me, and George) Cook and Trott were in and we are 28/1, it was jittery at times but at least we haven’t lost another wicket.

01.15am: Trott plays and misses a straight one from Watson and is clean bowled, it becomes 41/2, amateurish batting from Trott, I’ll put it down to nerves and hope he comes back stronger, meanwhile KP enters the fold to a massive roar from the barmy army, hope his form is better than his moustache!

01.40am: Finally Xavier Doherty (X-Doh from now on) comes in to face KP, the aussies only picked him for this reason so it had better work, because other than KP’s frailty against left arm spin there simply isn’t another reason for X-Doh to play, he is at best a mediocre cricketer with both a poor bowling and batting average in first class cricket.

01.55am: X-Doh bowling at KP, KP sends the ball straight back at X-Doh and he shies to throw the ball back, no reaction from KP, next delivery X-Doh does launch the ball back towards KP, misses and almost overthrows for 4, the crowd enjoy it but KP just grins straight at X-Doh, what a plum!

02.00am: LUNCH and England are 86/2 after X-Doh dropped a dolly from Cook, I contemplate a bacon and cheese sandwich but really can’t be bothered, instead I have a game of FIFA 11 online, I play as Man City vs. Real Madrid (jwills86 – his gamertag) I take the lead after 4 mins with a cheeky little side foot from Adebayor (Mancini might not rate him but on FIFA I love him) Real equalise with a lucky rebound before I turn the style on and win 4-1 (Adebayor 4, 24 & 70, Milner 38) I celebrate with some crisps!

02.40am: Play gets underway for the second session, I am now officially getting tired, so I pause it and go for a quick walk to liven myself up for 10 mins I return and skim through to catch up and find a text that has been sent to the BBC website...

Jack: "Doherty’s inclusion is like playing Rory Delap in every game of the World Cup finals because a keeper 'apparently' has trouble with long throws. KP should be fine. (Prays I haven’t jinxed him)."

...couldn’t agree more!

03.30am: KP is out to Siddle driving the wrong line and edged, England are 117/3 and to be honest, struggling. This is also the last real memory of live cricket I have.

07.45am: I wake up as Faye comes through to the lounge to get ready for work and I put Sky Sports news on, Siddle (who my brother Rob once said has a face you wouldn’t get tired of punching) got himself a hat –trick and finished with 6/54 (proving my brother right!) England all out for a below par 260.

So after watching brief highlights of what I missed I then watched Champions League highlights from last night and promptly have another 90 mins sleep before getting the pub ready for opening.

Turns out I could have stayed asleep because at 2.00pm I still hadn’t had one customer in...Fucking typical.

See you tomorrow.


Thursday, 4 November 2010

Live a little, then tell me!!

Have I ever mentioned how time consuming running a pub is? It has been months since my last blog and for this I apologise, so....whats been happening while I've been away?

Well, Liverpool is not something I am going to talk about, if you would like to hear my thoughts on this matter then you can listen to The Sportscast, that's right, George and I from the Podcast Four have started our own sportscast and here is our logo.
Regarding the Podcast, I have finally been promoted to full member, well Dom just changed my name from the special guest list to the cast list, so I am actively looking for a pay rise or at least some expenses!

Next up is the pub, "How is it going?" you ask, well, we are leaving on 19th January! So not that well....but thanks for asking.

Ever rising beer prices and rent added to a global sense of "we are not spending any money because it's nearly Christmas!" which has just followed "we are not spending any money because it's nearly Halloween!" which get the idea! So in a mere 11 weeks I will be back amongst the muggles doing a real job and living in a real flat....cannot fucking wait!

I will blog after I leave and explain fully but while I am still in the pub it would be unprofessional, not that I give two fucks about professionalism, but even so....

So, other things that have happened to me since my last blog...I have had one article printed in the Daily Post about Malcolm Allison (former Man City manager who died recently) I also have a "Taste test" of the Bengal Dynasty, which is basically a review of a restaurant, that will be in the Post in a couple of weeks, so it appears I could be the next John Terode (only better looking)

My band (not MY band but the band I play in!) Cyra Elia (again, strange name but great band) have really pushed on recently, we played at Headstock twice, (Headstock is an outdoor mini-festival put on by the King's Head pub on the 1st, 3rd and last Sundays in August) there were hundreds of people watching and we played really well I thought, here are a couple of videos from YouToooob from that gig, one of "I am not a robot" by Marina and the Diamonds and "Rabbit Heart" by Florence and the Machine, I'm the one in the stingy rimmed trilby (what an epic name for a hat!)

We also recently played the Conwy Food Festival, here are a selection of pictures of us performing, again I am wearing the hat!

Just checked my lottery numbers from last night, I did not win therefore I shall continue!

Currently reading Keith Richards autobiography, it's pretty awesome, I enjoy an autobiography that is honest and pulls no punches, I have read several in my life and am constantly amazed at what pandering shite is considered worthy enough to pay money for (I assure you if I charged for this blog I would get precisely 1!) If you are going to write a warts'n'all story of what has happened in your life then either wait till you have retired (footballers) or wait till you are clean (rock stars) anybody else just wait till you have actually lived through something before writing it down.

Fuck me, I just thought I would check amazon and what do you know...Justin fucking Bieber? Beiber? Beeber? Beaber? whatever! He has released an autobiography, he is 16 years old and has been famous for about 20 minutes, nobody gives a holy fuck what has happened in his life except 12 year old girls, and they shouldn't be allowed to have an opinion until they are 18 (when by that time he will either be forgotten, dead or in rehab)

I see that Gavin from autoglass really has gone......YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!

I'll say that it won't be as long till my next blog but you know me, so lets just agree there will be a new one....sometime!



P.S. Just watched BASEketball for the first time in a couple of years, amazing, seriously watch it!!