Open Mics, Crazy nights and Mentals (doesn't rhyme but fuck it!)

So......even though I said it wouldn't be as long until my next blog, turns out it has been longer, but there you go, if you have a problem with it, see your local MP!!

I'll start with my pub....cue shameful plug........Open mic night last night, it really has turned into the best night around, It started up at the Gresham on Mostyn Street but when they temporarily closed it moved down to the Keys, it is now held weekly and alternatively between us and the Gresh. A very eclectic mix last night starting with Rachel, Greg and Joel (3/5ths of Cyra Elia, myself being another fifth) doing a couple of covers, then another band, Marmaduke who are four piece again with a female lead, sounded good to me.

Then it got a bit different, Sean Parry who is an amazingly talented artist (see here) played a baron drum and his freind Gaz on a homemade (Seasick Steve-esque) guitar played a few celtic tunes, really different and very cool, Cyra Elia came back as a full 5 piece band and did a couple before what was undoubtedly the highlight of the night.....My good self on guitar and lead vocals singing Baker Street with my friend Matt on Sax, he is an incredible sax player and proved it with this and a later performance, I don't mean to brag but it was fucking awesome!!

I won't keep on about it all I will say is if you (the reader!) live close enough then I emplore you to pop down and check the open Mic out as it really is something very different but also a genuinely great night out.............plug over!

I've done lots of Podcasts with Dom and George, still to break into iTunes top 100 comedy podcasts but it can only be a matter of time! George is away for 3 weeks now so it'll be a nice experience for Dom and I not being perpetually interrupted when we are sharing a story/link/improv-acoustic song, here is a snippet of our musical genius!

As always a little on LFC, New manager with Roy Hodgson, I for one am happy with his appointment and he is already showing his worth by signing Joe Cole for free and seemingly convincing Steven Gerrard to stay (looks like Lucas the cunt is staying aswell though......!!) so here is to a promising season ahead (sure I said that last year aswell!!)

I have started watching The Wire again from the start, I really love this show and am enjoying this time around more than before because you still learn so much about the characters, In episode four there is a scene that for my money could be one of the greatest scenes in TV history, basically two of the main characters rework a murder scene from a few months back using only one word!! (Here is a link, don't worry for those who have never seen The Wire, it contains no spoilers, only genius!)

While typing a classic example of one of the downsides to running a pub, a guy has just come in and asked where the jukebox is, when I told him we don't have one then he simply said "Well you are gonna have to talk to me......what's your genre.............?!"

I didn't really know what he was referring to, so asked, to which the reply was "What is it you do?" I told him I run a pub then he said "So you are heading up to Glasgee, or maybe down to Guildford!?"

It was at this point that I deemed him legally mental (I have a PHD in all things mental) and proceeded to video him on my iPhone until he sussed what I was doing and promptly left! I will look at the footage and post it on my next blog.

I will also be starting my new regular feature....that facebook status is fucking mental!! (see above) This weeks lucky winner is - "You talk shit and say it without a trace, so be a big girl and say it to my face. If you can't walk the walk then don't talk the talk cos moo cows like you get outlined in chalk!!" - This status was without irony or humour but was 100% genuine and from a 20 year old woman, god bless modern society!!

I will try my bestest to keep this blog more regularly....promise!

Peace

Marcus

P.S. where are you Gavin?....huh? that's right bitch, I got you fired!!

Whoring gold and raining blood!

It really doesn't matter how many times I see Dale Winton on TV I am literally never surprised as to what level of whoring he will go to..... "My shitty bracelet is worth £3.2m.....Cash My Gold Dale!!!" Note how he has a boot camp (!) way of making people talk to him in so much as everyone must say Dale after every sentence, like Full Metal Jacket meets Queer eye....

DALE: I am Gunnery Sergeant Dale, your Senior "Drill" Instructor. From now
on you will speak only when spoken to, and the first and last words out of
your filthy sewers will be "Dale!" Do you maggots understand that?

RECRUITS: (in unison) Dale, yes, Dale!

DALE: Bullshit! I can't hear you. Sound off like you got a pair.

RECRUITS : (louder) Dale, yes, Dale!

I mentioned in my first blog about being able to hold my own in a conversation about football with anyone, then alluded to a story involving Ray Stubbs (for those who don't know him he was a presenter on BBC and Gary Lineker's understudy on MOTD and is now football anchorman on ESPN), not a great story but I basically bumped into him on a train between Stoke-on-Trent and Birmingham standing near the toilets and said (like a fucking starstruck teenager) "hey, you're Ray Stubbs!" he smiled and said yes and we talked football for the remaining 15 minutes of the journey when I realised why he was standing near the toilets (not to use the toilets, I hasten to add) but he was in fact dodging his fare!! ..........Ray Stubbs ladies and gents, football presenter, pundit, ladies man (I guess!!) and fare dodger..... legend!

Anyone who has seen Scrubs (and enjoys it like me) would have seen "Ted's band", but only last week whilst using Last.FM on the Xbox 360 (which is brilliant) I found out that they are a real band and have a website and everything so check them out... http://www.theblankswebsite.com/

Open mic night at The Gresham was another absolute blinder, I met Dom from http://www.domfarelli.blogspot.com/ and we chatted about stuff including whether S**** fucked R*** or not and why it only lasted one week! As for the music we had Pop, Rock, Acapella and improv-metal as well as a masterful performance of "Raining Blood" by Slayer (not the real Slayer of course!). Next one is 4Th Feb so come along........Its skill (love that word!)

DALE: Where in hell are you from anyway, Private?

COWBOY: Dale, Texas, Dale!

DALE: Holy dogshit! Texas! Only steers and queers come from Texas, Private
Cowboy! And you don't look much like a steer to me, so that kinda narrows
it down! Do you suck dicks!

COWBOY: Dale, no, Dale!

DALE: Are you a peter-puffer?

COWBOY: Dale, no, Dale!

DALE: I'll bet you're the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not
even have the goddam common courtesy to give him a reach-around! I'll be
watching you!

I had the dentist yesterday and when I got there the receptionist was telling the (very fucking bored) patient in the waiting room that we should bring back hanging for rapists and murderers (can't say I completely disagree!) and that the Saudi's have got it right when it comes to dealing with criminals....didn't want to spoil her day by telling her that in Saudi Arabia a woman would be executed for speaking her mind like this, I just waited for the dentist while admiring the irony!!

Peace,

Marcus

P.s. If you have never seen Full Metal Jacket then do so.........now!!