It really doesn't matter how many times I see Dale Winton on TV I am literally never surprised as to what level of whoring he will go to..... "My shitty bracelet is worth £3.2m.....Cash My Gold Dale!!!" Note how he has a boot camp (!) way of making people talk to him in so much as everyone must say Dale after every sentence, like Full Metal Jacket meets Queer eye....
DALE: I am Gunnery Sergeant Dale, your Senior "Drill" Instructor. From now
on you will speak only when spoken to, and the first and last words out of
your filthy sewers will be "Dale!" Do you maggots understand that?
RECRUITS: (in unison) Dale, yes, Dale!
DALE: Bullshit! I can't hear you. Sound off like you got a pair.
RECRUITS : (louder) Dale, yes, Dale!
I mentioned in my first blog about being able to hold my own in a conversation about football with anyone, then alluded to a story involving Ray Stubbs (for those who don't know him he was a presenter on BBC and Gary Lineker's understudy on MOTD and is now football anchorman on ESPN), not a great story but I basically bumped into him on a train between Stoke-on-Trent and Birmingham standing near the toilets and said (like a fucking starstruck teenager) "hey, you're Ray Stubbs!" he smiled and said yes and we talked football for the remaining 15 minutes of the journey when I realised why he was standing near the toilets (not to use the toilets, I hasten to add) but he was in fact dodging his fare!! ..........Ray Stubbs ladies and gents, football presenter, pundit, ladies man (I guess!!) and fare dodger..... legend!
Anyone who has seen Scrubs (and enjoys it like me) would have seen "Ted's band", but only last week whilst using Last.FM on the Xbox 360 (which is brilliant) I found out that they are a real band and have a website and everything so check them out... http://www.theblankswebsite.com/
Open mic night at The Gresham was another absolute blinder, I met Dom from http://www.domfarelli.blogspot.com/ and we chatted about stuff including whether S**** fucked R*** or not and why it only lasted one week! As for the music we had Pop, Rock, Acapella and improv-metal as well as a masterful performance of "Raining Blood" by Slayer (not the real Slayer of course!). Next one is 4Th Feb so come along........Its skill (love that word!)
DALE: Where in hell are you from anyway, Private?
COWBOY: Dale, Texas, Dale!
DALE: Holy dogshit! Texas! Only steers and queers come from Texas, Private
Cowboy! And you don't look much like a steer to me, so that kinda narrows
it down! Do you suck dicks!
COWBOY: Dale, no, Dale!
DALE: Are you a peter-puffer?
COWBOY: Dale, no, Dale!
DALE: I'll bet you're the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not
even have the goddam common courtesy to give him a reach-around! I'll be
watching you!
I had the dentist yesterday and when I got there the receptionist was telling the (very fucking bored) patient in the waiting room that we should bring back hanging for rapists and murderers (can't say I completely disagree!) and that the Saudi's have got it right when it comes to dealing with criminals....didn't want to spoil her day by telling her that in Saudi Arabia a woman would be executed for speaking her mind like this, I just waited for the dentist while admiring the irony!!
Peace,
Marcus
P.s. If you have never seen Full Metal Jacket then do so.........now!!
great stuff, I forgot about the acapella's. It would be okay if that never happened again.
ReplyDeleteNice integration of Winton in Full Metal Jacket, I can picture it well. Make sure Jon Culshore (if thats his name) doesn't steal this idea for his next run of only being able to do Dale Winton impressions on TV.
He has already been on the phone trying to buy the idea.....fucking one trick pony!!
ReplyDeleteGreat blog Marcus...made me titter :-) Cheers for plugging OMN...love Rach x
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